Before we get into the meat of this post, let’s start with a change of mindset.

Sex therapy isn’t about working on your problems.

Sex therapy is about working on your potential.

The potential for better sex. Greater intimacy. A stronger relationship.

Your best potential as a couple.

And even though you might feel pretty far away from it today…

This is a potential that you and your partner can realize.

It is possible to bring sexual fun back into your relationship!

We’ve counseled over 3,000 gay couples, and more often than not, they approach us for sex therapy.

Some of them haven’t had sex with their partners in such a long time that they’ve stopped even thinking about it.

But it still takes these same couples weeks, months, and sometimes even years before they walk through our doors to get help.

Once they do, and once they start making progress, they wonder what took them so long.

It’s time to stop waiting and start realizing your potential.

Here are 9 signs you and your partner may need a sex therapist.

#1. You’ve stopped talking about sex.

Sexually healthy couples flirt and talk about sex and sexuality openly. Need proof?

According to a recent study in The Journal of Sex Research, couples who engage in more sexual communication tend to have better sex lives.

This particular study included over 12,000 participants and measured a couple’s sexual communication and various aspects of sexual functioning, including desire, arousal, erection, lubrication, orgasm, and pain. The results?

More sexual communication around partner concerns was associated with better sexual function, particularly when it comes to orgasm and overall sexual well-being.

If you’re no longer enjoying frisky moments with your significant other, a sex therapist can help you figure out why – and what you can do about it.

#2. You don’t touch one another anymore.

Partners both need to give and receive physical touch.

And we’re not just talking about sexual touch here. This includes non-arousal touch, too.

Touch is about comfort and connection. If you’ve lost that, you may need help from a professional on how to listen and pay attention to each other sexually.

#3. You’re having sex alone more often.

Masturbation is key to discovering your own sexual pleasures. It’s also a healthy activity that we don’t recommend you stop when you’re in a relationship.

But if you no longer desire sharing sexuality with your partner, a sex therapist can try to help you and your partner reconnect and develop sexually – together.

#4. You’ve lost your libido.

If you’re not in the mood after a long day at work, that’s understandable. Sometimes stressful moments in life last a little longer than a day or two, or even a week.

But if you’ve become completely disinterested in sex – with your partner or with anyone at all – and it’s not related to an underlying physiological issue, you may need help from a sex therapist.

#5. You’re having problems outside the bedroom as well.

Stress in your sex life can be a reflection of imbalances elsewhere in your relationship.

Could it be attributed to the differences in your personality types? How you handle disagreements? How you communicate with each other?

A sex therapist can help you understand and attempt to resolve other dynamics that may be impacting what’s happening under the sheets.

#6. You are having trouble communicating your wants in bed.

Are you afraid, ashamed, or embarrassed to talk about what turns you on? Or maybe you don’t even know what you want.

Unless you’re comfortable with your own sexual needs and energy, you won’t be able to settle in the present moment with your partner.

A sex therapist can help you figure out your sexual aspirations. You need to know how you feel about yourself as a sexual being. You need to believe it’s okay to experience the sexual joy that our bodies are wired to express.

#7. You don’t know what turns your partner on.

You want a sexually fulfilling relationship that will last the test of time, right?

If so, you need to tune into your partner sexually. You must expand your sexual understanding of each other. You need to get comfortable talking about the sexual “extras” you both want.

We call these the Sexual Additions, and they include things such as:

  • How to align on shared goals.
  • Scheduling time to talk about sex.
  • Refusing sex.
  • Non-monogamy.
  • Kink.

A sex therapist can help you explore both of your needs in an open, safe environment.

#8. You’re having doubts or discomfort around sexuality.

Sexuality can be a confusing thing. Maybe you’re uncomfortable doing or fantasizing about certain erotic things that turn you or your partner on.

A sex therapist can help you navigate these fantasies, put them into perspective, and figure out healthy ways to deal with them going forward.

#9. You’re trying hard to make a change, but you’re not getting anywhere.

If you have tried every solution you can think of to bring the fun back into your sex life but it keeps failing, you need professional help.

It takes two to tango. Whether it’s because your partner isn’t receptive, or perhaps you aren’t communicating in a way they can truly hear you, a sex therapist can act as the bridge to connect you.

Sex therapy is all about your potential, rather than focusing only on problems.

Rather than crossing your fingers and hoping that things will get better, you have a trained professional available to accelerate your progress through all the difficult conversations.

It all starts with a Google search!

(What about LGBT couples? Reach out to us at the Gay Couples Institute here…)

To your happiness,
Sam & Alapaki